Do you know how to guard your own heart?
My daughter, Cassia (4), has recently been struggling with fears again. We've dealt with them before with prayer and surrender, but this time I'm taking things a step further to teach her how to root out fear herself. It's all a part of the plan to ensure she knows how to guard her own heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
- Proverbs 4:23
She's not going to learn overnight—I'm 43 and I'm not done learning either. But there are some consistent warfare tactics we should employ. She can start to learn these now, as much as she is able to understand at this age.
When instructing her, these are my main strategic discussion points:
Know Your Enemies: Them, Their Tactics, & Their Weapons
When we deal with fear, in particular, I make sure Cassia knows that this is one of Satan's weapons against us. I talk with her about fears—how to face them, how to move through the stages of fear, how to surrender them to God in prayer, how they can make you sick if you do not stop them when they are tiny, etc. I talk with her about how fear never comes from God and I explain the difference between the fear of God and fear as a weapon from Satan (this video from Bible Project is extremely good).
We also talk about Satan's other tactics, such as lies, isolation, negative attitudes, out-of-control emotions, temptations, as well as unforgiveness and other sins. As my children experiences them and "try them on for size" I seize the moment to try to help my children recognize their enemy, their tactics, and their weapons so that they know what matters and WHO is "in it" with them, helping them defeat those enemies (2 Co. 10:4).
I also help them understand their other enemy, their own fleshly desires, and how these must be surrendered to Jesus or they will rule us instead of Christ.
In our conversations, I try to give them the verses that demonstrate the anti-weapon, such as perfect love that drives out all fear (1 Jn. 4:18) and demonstrate how to practice handling the anti-weapon through prayer, declarations, surrender, etc.
Build Boundaries
Then, we discuss how to keep those enemies away. Right now, her father and I are Cassia's biggest boundary. As she gets older, I'll teach her to set and maintain more boundaries, trusting her as she learns to do so. Right now, it's lesson enough to teach her eyes to be careful what they see and her imagination to be careful what she imagines (2 Co. 10:5). She's also learning to be a brick wall when big girls say things that make her feel small or reject playing with her on the playground. She's already learning that people don't know the right things to do, and to let what they do wrong blow past her and not bother her because they are not the enemy.
Be Vigilant: Don't Let Things Take Root
In this fast-paced world, staying vigilant is easier said than done. In my own life, I have to set multiple accountability posts to reset my natural tendency toward comfort and apathy. One that I have found particularly useful as my network of people grows, is to allow everyone's mistakes, foibles, and even sins be a check for my own heart. Instead of thinking pridefully, "I don't have that issue," I train myself to say "God, do I have this issue anywhere. Reveal it with your light. Root it out. Kill it where you find it."
With Cassia, I recently had to send her to bed for disobedience. She cried and seemed more crushed about this discipline than normal. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to go in to her room pretty quickly. She was crying and batting at her ear as if someone was speaking in it. I asked her outright if she was hearing anything. She said, "Yes, I'm hearing mommy doesn't love you." I immediately reacted by commanding that lying liar to be silent, to remove all lies, and to go to the pit where it belonged.
Be Ruthless: Cut Off & Cut Out
In my own heart, God has put his finger on areas that needed removal. Sometimes I respond quickly and ruthlessly, but other times I fail to hear and respond quickly enough. As I get older, one of my main prayers is that I respond quickly and ruthlessly to allow Christ, my Vinedresser, to cut off and cut out whatever he wishes whenever he wishes.
Make Room For The Holy Spirit
While guarding our hearts mostly requires removal and reaction, making room for the Holy Spirit through the practice of disciplines is the foundation to a clean heart to guard (Ps. 51:10-19). These disciplines can be instilled at an early age (or late one, for that matter). Prayer as a reaction to all things, fasting and saying "no" to our flesh, meditating and memorizing scripture, etc. (I recommend this book to start these disciplines for adults.)
For my children, modeling these disciplines and talking through them will start the process. If they see me react to world events by immediately seeking prayer (out loud, so they can hear as well), they will see that the proper and natural Christian response is to seek God in prayer in everything.
Nurture Humility
Lastly, by talking through my own faults, apologizing to my children, and seeking God in prayer, I can demonstrate humility—acting as though what Christ does for us (death on the cross, seated in heavenly places, interceding for us) matters, daily. I live my position in Christ in front of my children as the creature wholly dependent on the Creator, in need of rescue and wholly dependent on the Rescuer, while at the same time, having been rescued, in the authority that comes because my feet reside in Heavenly places where Christ continues to intercede for me.
Grace teaches us to guard our hearts.
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