Forget glass ceilings, we women are our own worst enemies.
If you haven't seen it in yourself, I'm sure you've noticed it in others: self-sabotage. And, I suggest that if you haven't caught yourself doing it, then you are likely unaware of this destructive inclination and need to ask someone you trust for a review.
Its frustrating to watch women sabotage everything from relationships to careers. For example, my husband has had several female direct reports over the years who showed promise and he was ready to promote them, only to have them respond emotionally and unprofessionally in a way that took them out of the running for the promotion. Let's just say promotable employees don't emotionally react.
I recall one of my own assistants was meeting the company President for the first time in person as I had recommended her for a higher position. I made a few recommendations during the two days we were all together for team meetings - that she did not heed - and my President made it very clear she was not to be moved up. (I'm glad to say that she learned her lesson and moved up several times in the company and now has a strong career with one of the fastest growing companies in the US.)
I believe the main issue is an inability to see and hear reality.
I recall sitting in my car with my new husband while he criticized something I was doing/not doing. I don't recall what it was, but I do recall the "Aha!" moment when I realized through my upset emotions that I WAS NOT ACTUALLY HEARING HIM, but rather I was hearing someone else in my life who had wounded me. I recall saying, "I can't talk about this right now because I'm not hearing you, I'm hearing {insert name}. Let me take some time to ask God to heal this wound and then we can pick this conversation up." Then I put on my sunglasses and we went in to meet my friends for dinner.
I could list dozens of sabotaged relationship examples...
Before we make a decision or respond to any emotionally charged situation, we really MUST be sure we are seeing and hearing what is actually being demonstrated or said. And, if we are incapable - untrained, triggered, emotionally elevated, or wounded in an area that causes us to filter what is being said so that we actually hear something completely different - then we need to ask people with wisdom who can hear FOR us.
This is not unique to women, but seems to be concentrated in the female gender. There are several authors who address this subject such as Caroline Leaf. I'll let them do it better than I could ever hope to (in three minutes or less).
So, where are your areas? Those areas where you "can't help but respond" a certain way. Those areas that trigger a knee-jerk, emotional response?
Regardless of where your areas are, here's the recommendations, gathered from the wise women in my own life, on how to handle an emotionally charged situation:
Take a nap (put sleep between you and the decision) (Kim Colver)
Pause and process (process, not stew on it) (Jessica Huffman)
Ask for advice from wise women (emphasis on the "wise" part) (Cindy Hornamann, who also agrees with #1)
Get deliverance (for the wound and to remove the filters) (Sharon Mullins)
Keep advisors on call (my own experience supports this one)
If it feels "good" to that part of you that wants to get even, go the opposite
If it's what others are doing, go the opposite
Don't hit the send button until you've done all of the above.
Best advice of the year comes from Jessica Huffman who said that she has learned to not make important decisions during PMS. I'm going to implement this one immediately since now that I'm older, PMS has become a real obstacle. She recommends blocking that week off and making every important or emotionally-involved decision wait until the following week. Now to find my pink highlighter...
Grace pauses.
Коментари