I plan on raising a son who 1) can find things, 2) hears and obeys God, and 3) means what he says/says what he means, if it kills me.
If I could summarize my parenting goals in one sentence, this would be it. The first one is kind of funny—how many men are completely inept at finding what is right in front of their faces? Seriously, though. I'm going to hammer this one home. It's even more important to me for my son than keeping the toilet seat clean (though that's on a sub-list).
The second one I've written about before, though I've been asked by several parents how I go about training the ears of my children to hear and obey...more on that later.
The final one may be the most difficult.
In a culture where "correct" words outweigh actions, someone who says what he means and means what he says stands out as a leader. Thinking of the political climate today, this is almost non-existent. In business, it's so rare that our words are automatically knocked down several "pegs" on the "truth-scale". In personal relationships, it's the Gold Standard.
Question: How many people do you know who consistently (99.9999% of the time) say what they mean and mean what they say?
It's a two-part question because I know people who consistently say what they mean (e.g. they are good communicators) but their actions don't line up or impure motives manipulate their meaning (they don't really mean what they say). I also know people who deliver Christ-like actions but stumble and bumble at their words.
If I had to choose one, I'd choose the latter—actions over words—but I don't think we have to settle. Christ was fantastic at both. He was concise. He was clear. He chose His words carefully—even the ones that got Him killed. Additionally, His words perfectly matched His actions. So, this is the standard I'm pursuing (with grace in the knowledge that I fall short) in my own life and my children's training.
Here's an example of how I'm working it into my son's training:
When I tuck my son in at night, it's customary for me to tell him a story and snuggle. It's our time as my daughter gets tucked in first. One night, several weeks ago, he "experimented" with acting like he didn't want snuggles or a story. He wouldn't make room for me and said "Uh uh" when I asked him if he wanted a story. Then, when I said "Okay, honey" and started to leave, he moved over and wanted me.
Instead of playing his game, I stopped everything. I told him in a serious tone that his words mean something, always. If he wanted me to stay, he should say so. If he wanted me to go, I would go—and miss my time with him—but I would not play his game and return. I explained he had one chance to make his words count.
That night, he chose the story. The next night, he tried it again. I was fully prepared. I gave him a kiss and walked out. I did not return while he was awake.
In order for my son to know his words have meaning, I have to treat them as such. Every time.
So far, he hasn't done it again. I am preparing for the next time I have to confront fake words, meaningless words, manipulative words, and so on. But my goal is to follow the Bible's direction to let our "Yes" be our "yes" and our "no" be our "no." We state it as a family value this way: In the Garland family, we mean what we say and say what we mean. Every time.
Now if I can just figure out how to make sure he can find his drink in the refrigerator...
Grace is available for raising children.