Gracefull MUSINGS

Add a southernism.

Instead of saying just "No" (though you should use it), add a polite twist like "No, thank you."

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• I appreciate your time, but no thank you.

• Thanks for thinking of me, but I have too much on my plate right now.

• Not today, thanks.

• Not for me, thanks.

• I’m afraid I can’t.

• I’m not really into [decoupage/essential oils/etc.], but thanks for asking!

• I’d rather not, thanks.

If needed, use "because".

Research has shown that using the word ‘because’ makes people agree with you. So instead of just saying, 'Unfortunately I won't be able to help you plan our team building event', try adding a reason to help your refusal go down more easily. 

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• No, I can't because I find myself already committed elsewhere.

• No, because I have promised my kids to focus on them and say "No" to everything else right now.

• No, because my plate is already full.

• No, because my own projects deadlines are looming.

Provide an alternative.

This can be particularly useful in a work setting, when you're too busy to take on a task that you might want to do in the future, you can say something along the lines of:

 

• "I won’t be able to help you with the [post-meeting summary notes] this time around, but I’m happy to take a look next month when my schedule is less hectic."

• "I can't help with the planning of this event because I won't be able to attend this time, but please ask me again next time!"

Go beyond "Sorry, I can't".

Saying ‘Sorry, I can’t’ will certainly more polite than a simple "No", it will also dilute it.

 

• "It’s a shame – I’d love to help but I’m already committed to [insert thing]. Best of luck!"

• "I love what you are doing, but I'm sorry, I can't be a part of it at this time."

Acknowledge the other person't feelings.

This will almost certainly makes this a softer refusal. So if someone is expecting you to do something but you aren’t going to do it, use these:

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• "I know this isn't the answer you were hoping for, but I can't."

• "I know that your situation is really a bummer, but I cannot [do x].

• "I hear what you are saying, but I'm going to have to bow out."

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Ask about reshuffling priorities.

If your boss hands you yet another project that you don’t have time for, and won’t take no for an answer, ask what you can let go of:

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• "That sounds really interesting, and I’d be happy to do it – but that means I won’t be able to submit the report by Friday. So let me know what you want me to prioritize."

• "I see that this is important to you. Since we've discussed my team is already over-whelmed, where would you like this to fall in their list of priorities?"

Acknowledge the honor.

If someone asks you to do something major – I’m talking about something akin to becoming their child’s godparent or ‘saying a few words’ at their wedding – just saying no will make you sound like an absolute jerk, so you have to tread lightly. Here’s a good exit strategy:

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• "Charlotte, that’s such an honor, and I feel privileged to have been asked. However, because [insert non-negotiable reason here like, "I’ve been known to faint"], I wouldn’t be able to give this important task/role the time and effort it deserves, and I don’t want to let you down. Would you consider asking [insert someone else] instead?"

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